A new development for the nursing-home industry

While I’m sitting here waiting for some sports writer from the corporate fleet (East India Company?) to make use of our drydock facilities, this is as good a time as any to mention an invention I've pondered for several years. Whether it’ll get patented or not is another matter.

Designed specifically for the factory-style nursing home, the self-threading catheter helps avoid all those messy accidents stemming either from poorly-inserted smooth-tube catheters or from the nursing staff being blissfully ignorant of the recipient’s cessation of clinical life signs.

It comes in left or right-handed threads, metric or English measurements, and sheet-metal or wood screw. I haven’t worked out the engineering aspects for slot, Phillips or hex head yet, but that should be a minor issue.