Saturday, August 26, 2006

I need to be reacclimated to society

Last night, I almost told a fellow band parent to - in a polite paraphrase - to bugger off in an autoerotic manner.

For the last six weeks I've effectively worked seven days a week because of changes in our publishing system. Despite finally being able to take my July 4 holiday day this past Wednesday, I've still pulled about 60 hours of work time not counting 10 hours of commute time.

Friday, I actually got home around 5 p.m. and expected to go watch my son's band play at a high school football game.

As I sat down in the bleachers with my wife and prepared to enjoy a couple of hotdogs with chili, mustard and onions, the 'la presidenta' of the band booster organization appears over my shoulder like a dark, ugly harbinger of doom and asks "Can you help in the concession stand?"

The only thing thrusting its hand between the hammer of my brain and the pistol of my mouth was my wife quickly interjecting; "Oh, I forgot to tell you I signed you up for that."

I did the band booster presidency gig last year, despite working a job 75 miles from home. Somehow I managed to ensure that wieners and chili were thawed in time and in sufficient quantity to feed hundreds of people; that candy was ready in amounts adequate to rot out the dental work of a town's future generations; that cold sodas were available by the hogshead, and that pizzas would arrive on time to satisfy those too uncomprehending to realize that pizza by the slice is not the best delicacy to obtain at a football field concession stand.

And somehow I managed to cajole sufficient parentage to join me in these twice-monthly logistical operations and sometimes return for a second and third turn on the line.

Now for this past Friday: We couldn't have held off a Daughters of the American Revolution tea party. Soda coolers were half filled at best. There were enough wieners cooking to hold off maybe 15 minutes' worth of customers, and the reserve supply was barely enough to fend off a second wave.

And I was so well dressed for the evening's festivities: my dress shirt and t-shirt from work and jeans. Thanks to a parent who lacked even the sense of hope to run screaming, we made 200 hot dogs in 30 minutes, distributed 25 pizzas at 12 slices per, sold off about 300 sodas, and got just enough reinforcements to drive off a Red Chinese regimental assault . . . wait, that was the nightmare I had later that night.

And I'm pretty sure I sweated off 4 pounds.

My wife saved my two hot dogs - they got fed to the dog when I got home. I'm not showing up for another home game this year.

Would you like chili and onions with that?

13 Comments:

Anonymous raincoaster said...

That'll teach you to give power of attorney to your wife.

Seriously, did it not even occur to you to tell her SHE should do it?

2:57 AM  
Blogger jromer said...

how you got through that i do not know.
something i promise to not do if ever i tie the knot...sign up my spouse for stuff. i would lose my @#$#@ if my spouse did that to me. of course, i've always been known as 'difficult'
but that's why i'm not married.
okay, i'm peddling away now...

5:02 AM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Anna - Peddle back here so you can work the stand next week . . . bwhahahahahahahahaha


Rain - despite the poor character traits I display here, when it comes to an organization involving my son, it's like kryptonite when I'm being morally blackmailed. I knew he'd probably suffer a bit if I turned into a justifiably homicidal ass at that moment.

Guess I'm gonna have to take a tip from Ted Bundy and start wearing a fake cast.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Richard said...

You should have stayed in the UK. School sports games = no spectators if you were lucky.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

"oh I forgot to tell you I signed you up for that"....I could feel the oxygen leaving the stadium..silent scream..AAAWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!.

There is no ISM like volunteerISM. Society should treat parents like gods and rock stars for showing up at all of those things that we HAVE to go to for 18 consecutive years.

Where are all of the kids from Pleasantville who aren't (playing/cheerleading/bandmembers) etc they should be runningthe concession stand.

"Gee willikers Mister Editor thanks for coming out to the game. Here is a firkin of your favorite elixer..and your steak and lobster will be here in a jiffy. Enjoy the game!"

12:16 PM  
Blogger Pamela said...

I'm with HE. We should be treated like royalty instead of slaves.

FE, you have my undying admiration for not going postal on anyone within reach.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Fronty,

All I can say is it's people like you that make the world keep spinning on its axis.

You are to be saluted as a brilliant example of what a human being of sound mine and principles should be, and I'm sure this isn't the first time you've proved it.

Your lovely wife almost certainly would not volunteered you for this torture if she didn't believe in the above, and if she wasn't also one of those who make the world go round.

Thank god (note the small "g") for people like you. Now get those hot dogs grillin'. I'm on my way over.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

They ain't grilled - they're boiled. And the mustard and kethcup are in the packets over there! >;8^D>

8:40 PM  
Blogger jromer said...

I AM NOT WORKING THE STAND, FRONTY!!!!!

4:44 AM  
Blogger Laura Elizabeth said...

Goodness! You should be sainted!

2:44 PM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

No, I should enjoy my own little circle of hell >B^D>

5:35 PM  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

I always serve hotdogs and burgers on Bonfire Night at the large display that our rugby club puts on for the town every year.

I hate Bonfire Night. I have a pathological fear of fireworks, but it's so busy and relentless on the stall that I don't even notice the whizzes and bangs and can actually get through it without needing diazepan or harder drugs.

So, well done, you.

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Where are all of the kids from Pleasantville who aren't (playing/cheerleading/bandmembers) etc they should be runningthe concession stand."

Ok, so I am a tad late seeing this...was googling the spelling of 'reacclimated' for a transcript I am working on...court reporter...and HAD to comment, lol!

I agree with the quoted!! I graduated in '82, and parents did NOT work the stands! We had to, as Varsity athletes to 'earn' our Varsity Jackets!! You 'had' to do a certain amount of time in the stands to 'get' that jacket, lol. And then to letter, you needed to do it also. Parents??? Good grief! I would not have wanted MY parents there when I was a student!! Heck, Mom came sometimes, but Dad never came, lol. I say you parents need to revamp these things!!!

Oh, unless this is for K-4th grade?? In that case, the Varsity should still be able to 'do' it for their jacket/etc, lol.

Any updates on this??
Rho

3:32 PM  

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