Thursday, August 03, 2006

Hey, it's Ed. Any messages?

That was the punchline to one of my favorite prank calls.

Apologies to my legion of fans, detractors and morbidly curious for my extended absence, but let's just say work called . . . at 7:30 p.m. at the motel, and again at 10:30 p.m., and an e-mail at 2:30 a.m. . . . .

Anyway, there's so much to tell, so much to say . . . hmmm, I'm having a vintage Dave Matthews lyric moment.

So, let's indulge in a little rambling.

One of the good things about driving in the mountains of Southwest Virginia is being able to watch the sun rise and set and rise and set again in the morning. On the way to my pseudo-mercenary editor gig this week I got to watch seven sunrises and six sunsets.

And then there was the layover in the motel. Said motel is undergoing a substantial facelift including an enlarged parking lot and construction of a new wing. Apparently, the site preparation around the building has induced a slight warpage of the building. All the room doors seemed to have a slight gap between frame and door.

And, while enjoying having my sleep interrupted by a crazed pressman Tuesday evening, I finally wandered the hall to the soda machine, ice dispenser and travel brochure center, which induced me to write this particular piece of prose:

Things to do in Wytheville when you're dead

I'm spending my third consecutive Tuesday night in a motel in Wytheville, Va. as I continue my saga of work-related . . . . well, work.
While playing the role of business traveler, I feel a certain responsibility to offer a few tips beyond Vicus' own rules for survival in Missouri.

In-room coffee makers: Don't use them, or at least not for coffee. Interesting fact that I learned from a colleague who did a story on methamphetamine abuse: you can use over-the-counter cold medications and a few household chemicals to cook your own meth in a handy motel room coffee maker.

The National Firearms Museum: Thanks to the convenient travel brochure rack on the third floor of this motel, I found that I can take a leisurely six-hour drive after work to the afore-mentioned museum in Fairfax, Va. From the museum's handsome four-color brochure:
"See historical treasures such as a firearm brought to America on the Mayflower, the firearms of the Buffalo Soldiers and the Wild West, and the firearms that went up San Juan Hill! Inspect the firearms owned by notables such as Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, sharpshooter Annie Oakley, General Douglas MacArthur, mystery writer Erle Stanley Gardner, and presidents Theodore Roosevelt, Grover Cleveland, Dwight Eisenhower, Lyndon Johnson and Ronald Reagan."

According to the television commercial just on, joining the Army Reserve is not the same as joining the Army, despite the father's skepticism and the son's eventual admission that enlisting means getting Army training even though it's the Army Reserves.

William Shatner's getting roasted on the Comedy Channel soon.

Did I mention don't use the coffee maker?

Bck to Thursday. While driving to pick up my son from golf team practice, I saw something rather unusual and delightful on the trip down the valley: two mountain goats enjoying a roadside salad. I cursed myself roundly for not having a camera on hand.

Anyway, tomorrow night will be episode two of Frontier Editor's Dance Party inspired by Richard with liner notes from one of his recent posts. Enjoy.


Blogger Pamela said...

This is why I don't do bidness travel.

In-room coffee makers notwithstanding.

Work sure takes up a lot of time better used for blogging, eh?

12:42 AM  
Blogger jromer said...

i just learn so much every time i come here...

4:01 AM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Pam: After the week I've had, it's great to be able to talk to rational human beings even if it's by tapping keys.

Anna: But is it stuff you really want to know? Incidentally, go to Vicus' post on testicular distress if you want to know the related dangers of cold-water salvage diving . . . .

7:51 AM  
Blogger Pamela said...

Wow, you called me 'rational'. You really must be exhausted.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

Oh my! I am in shock still about the coffee maker and thankful I do not drink coffee! Phew!

I don't know about mountain goats but do not trust cows... in Maui while bikeriding down Mt. Haleakala a cow tried to attack me as I stopped to take her picture... screams informing her that I was a vegetarian did nothing to stop her! Damn cow!

Great post Mr. Editor!

4:07 PM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Pam: On your worst day you've got a better grip on reality than I seem to have on good ones here.

La Boheme:If I could find it, there was an interesting little web article about a gentleman who came to own a rather large, friendly steer named Elvis. Elvis apparently would walk up to visitors, try to eat their hat if they were wearing one, and then proceed to act like a big friendly dog.
Evidently your Hawaiian heifer wasn't big on mainlanders. Or else you were tricked into wearing one of those souvenir Jack Lord wigs.
Book 'em Dano!

10:45 PM  
Blogger Miss Cellania said...

Hey, I drove through Wythville on Tuesday! In fact, it was the third time I drove the length of I-81 in the last month. I've seen the Blue Ridge Mountains so much, I need bifocals.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Damn, Miss C, we shoulda gotten drunk in the world famous Wytheville Holiday Inn Lounge!

2:26 PM  
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